Get Your Mind Right
How to Forgive Yourself…Since God Already Has
John M. Wallace, Jr., PhD
July 12, 2026
God’s Promise of Perfect Peace
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed [fully leaning and resting] on You, Because he trusts You.
Peace Formula
Truth of God’s Word + Power of the Holy Spirit + Best Scientific Evidence + Common Sense & Peace
Self Forgiveness Case Studies
Adam and Eve: Guilt + Shame Blame versus accepting responsibility
Genesis 3:8-18 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the
garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” 13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The
woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Woman Caught in Adultery
John 8:3 -11 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was
caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for
accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the
ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Paul—God forgave him of his past even though he was the worst
1 Timoth 1:12-17 12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 13 Even though I was once a
blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full
acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might
display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory
for ever and ever. Amen.
David
2 Samuel 11-12, Psalm 32, Psalm 51
2 Samuel 11:1- 1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.
2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. 5 The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”
6 So David sent this word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent him to David. 7 When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the
war was going. 8 Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. 9 But Uriah slept at the
entrance to the palace with all his master’s servants and did not go down to his house.
10 David was told, “Uriah did not go home.” So he asked Uriah, “Haven’t you just come from a
military campaign? Why didn’t you go home?”
11 Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my commander
Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”
12 Then David said to him, “Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. 13 At David’s invitation, he ate and drank
with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master’s servants; he did not go home. 14 In the morning David wrote a letter to
Joab and sent it with Uriah. 15 In it he wrote, “Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.” 16 So while Joab had the
city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. 17 When
the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell;
moreover, Uriah the Hittite died. i’m 26 When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she
mourned for him. 27 After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house,
and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.
2 Samuel 12:1- The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two
men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of
sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He
raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and
even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. 4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man,
but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the
traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man
and prepared it for the one who had come to him.” 5 David burned with anger against the man
and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! 6 He must pay
for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”
7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!
Guilt can push us to repentance
Psalm 32: 3-5 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4
For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of
summer. 5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will
confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave he guilt of my sin.
True repentence is demonstrated by what we do
Acts 26:20 First to those in Damascus, then to those in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and then to
the Gentiles, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and demonstrate their
repentance by their deeds.
Accept Christ’s forgiveness and grace and walk in it
1 Corinthians 6:11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were
sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Romans 8:1-2 8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2
because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of
sin and death.
Zaccheus—Admit, Repent and Make Amends
Luke 19: Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2 A man was there by the name of
Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. 3 He wanted to see who Jesus was,
but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a
sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. 5 When Jesus reached the spot,
he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house
today.” 6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. 7 All the people saw this and
began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” 8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said
to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have
cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” 9 Jesus said to him,
“Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the
Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
Everett Worthington
Worthington’s brother committed suicide. It took him almost three years to forgive himself as
he researched and built his six step model of self-forgiveness presented below.
How to Forgive Ourselves
1. Reconcile with God/ for the things you’ve done to hurt others.
2. Repair the damage done to others as well as possible. The acronym CONFESS is used for
this:
C = Confess without excuse.
O = Offer an apology.
N = Note the partner’s pain (i.e. empathy).
F = Forever value the partner (and don’t devalue them).
E = Equalize or offer restitution.
S = Say ‘never again.
S = Seek forgiveness.
3. Repair the psychological damage done to yourself in the wrongdoing or self-condemnation. “Often this involves confronting self-defeating beliefs and thoughts, or dealing with moral injury inflicted on yourself by doing something against your own standards,” said Worthington.
4. Apply the REACH model [outlined earlier] to yourself.
5. Make a decision to treat yourself as generously as you would treat someone else who did what you did. Worthington elaborates “people can often forgive themselves for hurting others but cannot accept themselves as being the type of person who would do such a thing. [It requires] different therapeutic acts depending on what kind of counseling theory or self-help theory one embraces. One thing is certain: accepting ourselves is almost always really hard.”
6. Recommit to not make the same mistakes again and, if possible, to live more virtuously all around.
Get Your Mind Right
Forgiveness and Healing Father (and Other) Wounds
John M. Wallace, Jr., PhD
July 5, 2026
God’s Promise of Perfect Peace
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep him in perfect peace [total well-being, wholeness, nothing missing,
nothing broken, everything flourishing, in every domain, to an exceptional degree]. Whose mind [inner orientation, world view, and operating system of their soul] is stayed [fully leaning and resting] on You, Because he trusts [completely and confidently relies totally] in You.
Peace Formula
Truth of God’s Word + Power of the Holy Spirit + Best Scientific Evidence + Common Sense = Peace
Father Wound
The lasting emotional injury caused by a father’s absence, rejection, or emotional unavailability and its effect on how we see ourselves, relate to others, and experience God.
1 Samuel 20:30-33 30 Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? 31 As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die!” 32 “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” Jonathan asked his father. 33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his
father intended to kill David.
3 States of a Wound
1. Open Wound—bleeding, active pain, grief
2. Healing Wound (Scab)—covered over but vulnerable, reopens under pressure
3. Scar—healed, mark remains, pain resolved
Sermon in a Sentence
God allowed Jesus to be wounded so we could be healed
Jesus’ Wounds
Matthew 26:39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father,
if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Matthew 27:46 About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema
sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 5:7-9 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him!
John 20:19-20 19 On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and side.
The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.
How to Heal Our Father Wounds
- Embrace God as Our Real Father
- Receive and Give God’s Gifts to Our Natural and Spiritual Children
- REACH for forgiveness
Forgiveness: a decrease in negative and increase in positive thoughts, feelings, and motivations toward an offender, oneself or another
2 Types
- Decisional—A choice of the will: "I will not seek revenge. I will not let this debt define me.
- Emotional—The inner transformation: replacing resentment, bitterness, and avoidance with empathy and release.
REACH for Forgiveness
- R ecall the hurt (grief process)
a. Name the loss—what happened and how you feel about it, feel the grief, specify what should have been
- E mpathize with the one who hurt you
a. Grief Process—release what can’t be undone or recovered, don’t excuse or approve but try to understand what
happened to them
- A ltruistically give forgiveness as a gift
a. not because they earned it, but because you have received it.
- Commit publically to forgiveness
a. Make it concrete. Write it down. Say it out loud. Give your decision a form that you can point to when the
doubts come — and they will.
- H old on to forgiveness
a. When Doubt Arises (and it will), the scar is forming. Remember, scar tissue takes
time.
Matthew 6:14-15 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not
forgive your sins.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Disclaimer: Everyone is entitled to their opinion. We believe and teach that the Bible is God’s Word — His opinion — and provides His instruction for how to live life under His rule (i.e., the Kingdom of God).
